The review of my year 2016

2. ledna 2017 v 19:22 | Veronica |  That Czech Girl Said
It's the beginning of January 2017 and I woke up terribly thirsty after a New Year's Eve celebration. I'm alone in my flat in Prague and I have to fight with a load of sad sentiment again.

When I'm alone, I do overthink things too much. My brain is great at picking the worst of the worst memories and playing them on repeat for the whole day. But this time, since it's this special New Year's day, I can use it for my own good. Damn you terrible skeptical, crybaby brain. I'll do this in a good way - I'll review this year properly and if I should cry, it would be because of the huge amount of happiness. And maybe I'll learn something important from it.




Remember, remember...

My start of 2016 was a complete shitshow. A year ago I spent the New Year's Eve alone. My "used to be a boyfriend" gave a shit about me - and three weeks after that, he broke up with me over a text message. In that same time, I just left from the work I've spent two years of my life as a writer. I was a terrible crying, brokenhearted mess.

Life sucks. In the beginning of 2016, it totally sucked. At the end of January, my family started to be a little bit afraid that I'm turning into an uncontrollable disaster. At some point, I stopped cry at least, but I was still a horrible person to be around. Till today I regret that I ruined my own time like this. That guy wasn't worth that much sadness.


So I started from the beginning. I got a job, even when it wasn't my dream work (in a tiny toy shop, you don't get promotion and awesome salary just like that - well, it didn't happen to anyone there in years, true truth). And after a couple of terrible unnecessary, sad hangovers, I realized that I should try something new. Something that I've never done in my life before. Travel, find a job in some foreign country, meet a new people, make my English language better. Maybe it could change something in my life - or at least my shitty, crybaby attitude that was stuck with me since the beginning of the year.

I shared my thoughts about traveling and working abroad with my family and it surprisingly didn't get a good feedback. England? Ireland? The United States? Nope, everything sounded terrible. The only reason why they hated it was that I wanted to leave alone. Why can't I do this with my sister or cousins?! Well, mom, dad,... my sister had her own plans - and I wasn't part of them for sure. And make some deal with my cousins was as possible as to get a job in Silicon valley.

Maybe I didn't have to look for a job - I always dreamed about hitchhiking the Europe like my friends after we finished high school. When I actually said that idea aloud, it was a disaster. Even bigger rage started after I showed them job advertisements to Mexico's tourist's areas - one of them was looking for workers for diving school. I could improve my skills under the water, my English and give another chance to my Spanish as well! Nope, never ever think about it, Veronika. They will kill you there!


At the end of winter, I realized that there's much higher chance that I'll die in some unpromising work than during travels. I even started to work more jobs just to pay my bills - most of the time my salary felt like an insult. I was able to save up some small cash, but it felt like a building a pyramid just with one slave. At one moment I had three different jobs and I was still asking myself "Fuck, where is that cash hiding?!".

I could continue with a terrible description of my struggling with life and painful decisions. But something pretty awesome had happened at the end of winter 2016. I started to use the Tinder app - yep, and I don't regret it because I've found there this sweet guy named Bryan. You already knew this story - I wrote about it a couple of words here (English version) and here (Czech and another Czech version).

Get to know Bryan was amazing. After so much negativity I was surrounded since the start of the year I felt a great support and positive vibes from him. And still, he was on the other side of the world, practically a stranger to me. I was disappointed that we didn't have a chance to see each other in Prague - that was just my bad luck. But to have a pen pal was a pretty awesome thing!

The spring had passed and I was still working my ass off at three different jobs. Sometimes even more. Toy shop, helping at a museum, working at a theater club, in the kitchen of a small restaurant, writing... The last one had to go away at some point. I wasn't capable of some creative ideas after I spent the whole day and night behind the bar - and it started to be impossible to fulfill my deadlines without proper sleep. The cash still didn't improve so I started to look for some opportunity to leave the country. This life wasn't going anywhere - and I didn't want to stay at home because my parents were too scared about my safety. I was desperate for some new experiences! And believe me, after your drunk boss starts to scream at you that you're a f#cking c#nt, you would have probably enough of everything as I did.

(A graveyard near to my old work at Svaty Jan pod Skalou. It's beautiful, calm place.)

In that time, after three months of writing and calling to each other, Bryan invited me to visit him in the United States. As you think: It sounded absolutely terrific and for the first, I couldn't believe it. Me, really traveling to the USA?! And finally meeting my precious friend?! Of course, my parents were furious when I told them what I want to do. I questioned myself as well. Is it a good idea? The possibility that I'll find a great guy on the other side of a world and that we will have a great time together was as high as the other one - that the trip could turn into the worst horror show. But even when I had many doubts, at the end of June I was standing at the Denver airport. And there he was. An incredibly handsome, sweet man I found on the goddamn internet months ago.


Glob, I can see how freakin' lucky I was! We had a blast these three summer weeks and Colorado itself is just gorgeous country. After getting back home I decided to write a blog about our story (well, Bry persuaded me, that's the true truth) and thanks to this, after a couple of weeks, Bryan told me a great news. I could get back to the USA once again this year! Why?! The Tinder staff read our story and they loved it. And for my surprise, they wanted to give us another opportunity to see each other.

So I was traveling back to Denver at the end of September. This time for the whole three months! It was fantastic and challenging at the same time. Living with my boyfriend in his cozy studio apartment learned me a couple of useful things - like for example, (finally) some serious cooking skills, which I'm pretty happy about because I was able to feed my man with a good dish. But it wasn't just about cooking. We proved to each other how different we actually are. The Czech Republic and the United States are indeed a little bit different cultures. Sometimes it was fun to find out about some differences. Sometimes it made me worried and think about my own behavior I always thought it was normal back at my home and here... not very much.

I got to know many great people and I also enjoyed things that I've known "only from movies". An actual Halloween trick and treat and a Thanksgiving dinner. I and Bryan spent a weekend in the Stanley hotel and we rode on horses through Rockies National Park, I've been at a baseball game, saw my first NHL match and after some time I even got to know rules of American football (which didn't make a sense for me during first games at all). Every day brought me something new to explore and enjoy.


On the other hand... During my visit, I could see and hear all the noise of upcoming elections. This experience was far far away from what I knew from the Czech Republic. The tension was extremely hard, you simply couldn't get a distance between yourself and this topic. If you didn't have a TV at home, the news were waiting for you in the pubs. The billboards were everywhere - and the stress started to be worse and worse with every day that brought election closer. I have to say that I was devastated after results have been revealed. It was an extreme shock - not just me, but Bryan was feeling terrible. Why the hell not, he is an American. I tried to calm him down but at the end, I broke myself into tears. It was a very sad night. Since that day we were able to shake the sadness off. And at least we trust that the voted Trump Turd won't totally fuck up everything.


Also, I realized that sometimes I felt "separated". I could only talk in my native language with my family over the phone. And when Bryan left to work, I realized that I'm alone and I don't know anyone. Of course, I had a couple of friends I got to know thanks to him - an awesome group of people we've been visiting at Colorado Springs. But when I got up from my computer and stopped working, I felt separated from everything and everyone I used to know. I was a little bit lost for some time. Anyone who decided to travel alone and get to know new places and people feels like this for sure. Thank God it's never permanent - you just shouldn't stop trying. Sometimes I can get a little bit awkward with a new people, or I do feel too shy to say a simple hi. But after three months at Colorado, I know that local people are super kind and very talkative. It was always a pleasure to meet someone new.

I guess you have probably a question for me. "What she was doing there all that time? Three months of vacation?" Glob, no! At one point I was a "good housewife" for sure. And on the other hand, I was finally able to get back to my writing. After three months spent in the United States, my English got much better so I started to do more translating work - and I love it! I had an opportunity to work on new projects and one of them was quite challenging. It took me a whole month to finish it! And I'm glad I took such a chance. I'll definitely try hard to look for more opportunities for a new writing work.


So after three months in the United States, I had to leave back home. It was even harder than before. As I said before, my head does overthink things too much. And I miss my boyfriend a lot, but I have to believe that we'll be lucky again and we'll see each other soon. This time in Europe I hope so!

The year 2016 was near its end. I wished to celebrate Christmas with my better half, but I was back in the Czech Republic and I spent holidays with my family. It was nice, but on the other hand, I realized how hard is to stay positive here. My family practically patted me on my back, they said that they're glad that I'm back home and the next question was: "So when you're getting back to the retail work?" It was quite a punch in the guts - like nothing changed at all. Here I am, back at home, let's start again from the very bottom.


I simply said "NO" to this. I don't want to tear my back in three different jobs with a terrible salary as before - I would rather do the job I love. And if I could from here, the Czech Republic, or anywhere from the world, I would be glad for anything. Since I came back, I started to send my CV at job advertisements I liked. So wish me luck, because tomorrow I'll go to another job interview!

The New Year's celebration came to us and I realized with a sad sentimental that I'm alone again. This time it was actually much better - my new boyfriend didn't ditch me; Bryan was just on the other side of the world. Still, I missed him very much. I know that Christmas and New Year's Eve are just a dates - it doesn't mean anything. You can have a great "New Year celebration" in the middle of a summer. But my painful memories and the fact that all my friends and their friends are having a good time because they are together with people they love and like... It makes you feel abandoned, a little bit jealous as well. Well, at last, I didn't spend this New Year's Eve alone at home, curled under blankets. I was again with my family. At the end, I was pretty glad that I could be with them.

We are at the end - and actually at the beginning. When I started to write this "a year review " piece, I felt kind of blue. But at its end, I can see how far I came. I feel proud and loved. My beloved guy and many people from all over the world gave me so much of kind support. Right now I can see that I should still continue on this way. Work hard, not be afraid, do believe in small miracles and enjoy everything that's in front of me.

I guess 2017 won't suck at all!
I wish you a Happy New Year and I hope you enjoyed (survived) my blog!

You can watch me on my Instagram page or Facebook site!
 

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